Leaking

Bri (doubled over in the backseat laughing hysterically):  Oh no!  I think I am leaking!
Troy:  When she says leaking is she referring to her body?
Bri:  Yes!  From my butt!
Me:  Not from your butt.
Bri:  Oh yeah, from my heehee.
Avery:  It's not called a heehee.  It is a who-haa.
..............
GREAT!!!

feeding my addiction

Books I have read this year:

Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls (book club)
Half Empty by David Rakoff
The Last Kingdom by Bernard Cornwell (book club)
A Theory of Everything by Ken Wilber
The Kindness Handbook by Sharon Salzberg
Breaking Night by Liz Murray (book club)
Love Wins by Rob Bell
Superfreakonomics by Levitt & Dubner
It's Your Ship by Captain Michael Abrashoff
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (book club)
We need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver (book club)
What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Franklin & Eleanor: An Extraordinary Marriage by Hazel Rowley
The Force of Kindness by Sharon Salzberg
The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson
Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Stout
Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup
Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman
A Wild Surge of Guilty Passion by Ron Hansen
Incognito by David EAgleman
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest by Stieg Larsson
This Beautiful Life by Helen Schulman
The Submission by Amy Waldman
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
1984 by George Orwell
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Redirecting Children's Behavior by Kathryn Kvols
Zapp by William Byham

to be continued ....

It's all yours

The Buddha One said to him: "what do you think: Do friends and colleagues, relatives and kinsman come to you as guests?"

"Yes Master Gotama, sometimes friends and colleages, realatives and kinsman come to me as guests."

"And what do you think: Do you serve them with staple and non-staple food and delicacies?"

"Yes sometimes I serve them with staple and non- staple foods and delicacies."

"And if they don't accept them, to whom do those foods belong?"

"If they don't accept them, those foods are all mine."

"In the same way, Brahman, that with which you have insulted me, who is not insulting; that with which you have taunted me, who is taunting; that with which you have berated me, who is not berating: that I don't accept from you. It's all yours, Brahman. It's all yours.

"Whoever returns insult to one who is insulting, returns taunts to one who is taunting, returns a berating to one who is berating, is said to be eating together, sharing company, with that person. But I am neither eating together nor sharing your company, Brahman. It's all yours. It's all yours"

THE BUDDHA

favorite singer

Brianna ... "My favorite singer that is a girl is Selena Gomez.  And my favorite boy singer is Dad!"

what if

Me:  You are my favorite son.  Don't tell anyone.

Avery:  Don't worry, I won't tell your other son.  What if you did have a son you didn't know about?

Me:  It is kind of hard for a woman to have a child she does not know about.

Avery:  Oh yeah.

my straw

I have been in the religious minority since at least third grade.  The stories from the Bible never made much sense to me as a young child and as I became older, what was being preached in most churches did not align with my values.  Not identifying with being Christian was not easy given that I was growing up in a one-light small town south of the Bible Belt.  I was called many names relating to what 'horrible things I probably did believe in'.  Or assumptions that my room was painted black and I had an alter (it was really pink but kids are very imaginative!).  In high school I dropped my AP English class when we were given the assignment to compare the novel we had just read to the Bible.  My teacher just could not understand that I had not read the book.  As an adult I was told by one neighbor that all his friend had to do was lay his hands on me and I would be a believer.  Another told me her life would be miserable if she believed what I did.

All of this is to say I have had many years to build up a strong dislike for Christians.  During my most angry years I labeled myself an atheist; in years filled with less anger, I would call myself an agnostic.  (Militant agnostic would be more fitting:  I don't know and there is NO WAY you do either!!)  I felt my guard had to be constantly maintained in case the subject was brought up and I would need to fiercely defend my beliefs.  Most of the time I had to explain that just because I do not claim to be religious or have any answers, does not mean that it is open season for conversion.  I have always had a strong set of beliefs and values; I was not a blank canvas waiting for someone to paint THEIR picture; I had my own. 

And to be honest, it was more than just a dislike but really a narcissistic view of being more evolved than them.  More open minded.  More rational.  These feelings are unfortunately not too far in my past but really this is a journey I am still on.  I have discovered my mind really was not that open at all.  The leader of my covenant group at church (Unitarian Universalism for those of you who just became confused) quoted a Buddhist named Sharon Salzberg who describes us as viewing the sky through straws that we hold in our hands.  We all have these tiny views of the truth but feel as if we are getting the whole story.  And we cling tightly to these straws because they are ours alone.  We decide who to befriend and who to distrust based on how our straws look when compared to others.  We view our whole lives through them, believing our truth is the only correct one.  It was powerful to think about my beliefs in this way.  I realized in my years of anger and more-rational-than-thou attitude, I had become exactly what I didn't like in those others.  I realized we are all looking at the same truth and relating and describing it in the only way we can given our small little straws.  What we are looking at is the same and we are the same.  It is just the words and labels that are different. 

I know it will take mindfulness and practice to completely remove the old me against them mindset but I know so much has already opened up for me in just these past couple of months. 

"It may likewise contribute to soften that resentment which pride naturally raises against opposition, if we consider, that he who differs from us, does not always contradict us; he has one view of an object, and we have another; each describes what he sees with equal fidelity, and each regulates his steps by his own eyes."

      Samuel Johnson


~ Steph

??? pipe

Avery and I are in our office and I am singing the Weezer song Hash Pipe:

You've got your big G's
I've got my hash pipe

Avery laughs and says he didn't know those were the lyrics and asks what is hash.

I tell him it is part of the marijuana plant.  Then Avery asks isn't that the same thing you do to potatoes?

Ahhh - you have to love the innocence of childhood.

flower petals

Avery:  My son will the strong and athletic.  He will be all like ... (lots of flexing and weight - lifting stances follow).  He will be awesome at football and all the other sports.

Me:  What if you have a daughter?

Avery:  (confused and then regaining composure) My daughter will be cute and feminine.  She will skip everywhere she goes while throwing flower petals from a basket.

Me:  Have you seen your sister????  Good luck with that!

But Dad!

Troy: Turn off the TV and come eat dinner.

Bri: But dad! I'm watching it.

Troy: It's dinner time so turn it off. And don't say 'but dad' again.

Bri: Dad ... But ... I'm watching it.

Troy: 'Dad ... But' counts too!

in harmony

My theme word for this year is 'in harmony'.  My group at work started doing this last year and I really love it.  It is so easy to let life get away from you.  I think it is important to really try to grasp tightly to it and having a word, or idea, to always go back to has been helpful. 

What it means to me is to be in harmony with the Taoist Three Jewels:  Compassion, Moderation, and Humility.  I have the lines from the Tao Te Ching in my office and I read it often.  Our minds pull us in all directions and it is so important to constantly remind ourselves of what is important.

As part of my focus, I have decided to rejoin the church I discovered when first moving to The Woodlands.  It feels so good to be back in that space where I can breathe deeply that I feel it is important for me to make the commitment.  I have also joined a covenant group within the small group ministry of the church.  This is something really outside my comfort zone because opening up and sharing to complete strangers? ... yeah, very odd to me but I know it is important.  In the end of this life, I know it will be the relationships that matter to me the most.

Yesterday was a wonderful exercise in being in harmony!  I went to my first group meeting and it was so interesting and also so intimidating.  The topic we will cover over the next four months is how to observe our mind and attempt to quiet it.  It is about knowing we are not our thoughts and our emotions.  Instead you observe, acknowledge, and let go.  I have learned to do this in yoga through out my two years of practicing.  I am no longer pulling muscles and nursing injuries because I have learned humility is important!  My body is different each day I practice.  My hips are tight or I have no balance or my shoulders ache and that is the body I have to work with on that day.  How wonderful to be able to do that with your mind, thoughts, and emotions.  How wonderful to observe, acknowledge, and let go of who you are today without judgements or harshness.  I see a long road of hard work ahead of me!!

~ Steph

MLK

Martin Luther King could still be alive today and that thought always makes me sad.  His work was not complete and we could have really leaned on King during the last 40 years.  I hope he would have taken on the rights of homosexuals and been a voice of compassion and understanding during the 1980's.  And I hope he would have been a voice of reason and restraint during the two wars that resulted from the September 11th attacks.  I hope he would have spoken against the way this country has turned against Muslims, in the way people do when presented with an 'enemy'.  I know he would have been able to painfully relate. 

In the face of great despair, after each violent attack, and hearing about yet another murder, King would speak of his vision with just as much passion, just as much hope, and just as much commitment.  That is what is so moving to me:  He started each day with a new dose of optimism.  I know it was slowly eaten away through out his day but then he would start anew the next.  It is only in living each day like this that we have any hope of making things more peaceful, more compassionate, and more loving.

Here is part of his acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize:

I accept this award today with an abiding faith in America and an audacious faith in the future of mankind. I refuse to accept despair as the final response to the ambiguities of history. I refuse to accept the idea that the "isness" of man's present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts him. I refuse to accept the idea that man is mere flotsom and jetsom in the river of life, unable to influence the unfolding events which surround him. I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.


I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. I believe that even amid today's mortar bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men. I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent redemptive good will proclaim the rule of the land. "And the lion and the lamb shall lie down together and every man shall sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid." I still believe that We Shall overcome!

~ Steph

Day 2

My yoga studio has changed the type of class they offer from Bikram to this Bikram-esque class that is only 50 minutes.  Due to the shorter class, they are able to offer 50+ classes each week.  So to kick off the new schedule, the studio is doing a 50/10 challenge:  50 classes in 10 weeks.  I just finished my second day.

It will be an easy challenge for me except for the consistency over the 10 week period since I usually take a 'break' every couple of months and not go as much as I normally do (or as much as I should).  While I think it will be easy, it did make me laugh when someone else told me it would be easy.  "That's only 5 days a week."  It was funny to me because I really don't know ANYONE who exercises 5 days a week!!!

The Coke

Brianna: My Coke is empty! Avery why did you drink all my Coke?
Avery: I didn't. Stop blaming me.
Brianna: Well Dad has his own and Mom doesn't like Coke so it had to be you!
Avery: Maybe you drank it subconsciously.
Brianna: What does that mean?
Avery: That you drank it but didn't realize it.
Brianna: No! You drank it! Let me see your eyes and tell me you didn't drink it!
Avery: (looking at Brianna) I didn't drink it.
Brianna: See! You are lying because your pupils are big. That means you are lying.
Avery: No, my pupils are big because it is dark in here. They would be small if there was more light.
Brianna: (turning on the light) OK, then look at me and tell me again.