a letter to santa

November 30th 2010

Dear Santa Claus,

I realy wanted a bike and a scooter so I just wanted to say can I have those things. PLEASE! I been begging for those cool stuff. Any ways let me introduce myself. My name is Brianna. I am 7 years old. My favorite kind of music is G6. And my favorite color is blue and black. And I am in 2nd grade.

Sincerely,

Brianna

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TRIP! I love you!

PSST. Santa I want to have my presents up stairs because I have something for you.

thankful - 8

Today I am thankful for my mom's delicious cooking and her willingness to make me my own vegetarian dressing.

Later, I will be thankful for pants that are made with 3% of spandex.

~ Steph

thankful - 7

I am thankful of some quotables I got during my minister's sermon:

Expect less so you can be surprised more
and
If you replace expectations with gratitude, you will not know disappointment

The sermon was titled Hustle and Humbug about the excess and over consumption of the season. Wow! Can you imagine how wonderful the holidays would be if you could throw out all expectations (of your kids, your family, what you will give others, what others will give you) and only feel gratitude? It might actually end up being ... Merry!!

~ Steph

thankful - 6

While I do not agree with the policy or politics that result in war, I am thankful this country has men and women who are willing to enlist knowing the dangers that are ahead of them. I am also hopeful that soon our government will stop discriminating against gays and lesbians who want to join as they are no less human or American!

~ Steph

thankful - 5

I am thankful for technology. My sister in Austin posted a video on Facebook from a French dance show. I loved the song the couple was dancing to so I Googled some of the lyrics then went to itunes and downloaded it.

Love. It.

~ Steph

thankful - 4

This morning I am thankful for my heater and my pink, fuzzy socks! I am not very good with cold weather and get very annoyed when the temperature drops below 70.

~ Steph

thankful - 3

I am thankful for being in the religious and political minority because this gives me invaluable insight and perspective in those situations where I am in the majority.

~ Steph

thankful - 2

This morning I am thankful for sore muscles. I had not been to a 90-minute marathon-of-a-yoga-class in about two weeks. I had a good class and loved the heat in the room now that the temperatures outside are dropping. Yesterday I felt the benefit of nicely stretched muscles all day and today they are doing a fantastic job of reminding me I need to go more often. Even so, I am thankful I have the physical ability to move them. As they say in class, you can either have pain by not moving your body or you can have pain by moving your body. I will take the second one - thanks!

~ Steph

thankful - 1

Today I am thankful for my mom and step-dad who drove an hour out of their way late at night to pick up their grandkids. This gives Troy and I a child-free weekend and free babysitting since we have plans this evening. I am thankful they live close; I am appreciative they want to do things like this; and I am so happy about all the wonderful memories Bri and Avery will have with them.

~Steph

just have to love them

Discussing failing math grade (think 40’s)

Me: Avery you are very smart. Your math teacher said you are one of the smartest in her class.

Avery: Yeah, I know. I could do better but I’m too lazy. I mean, I could probably have an A in most of my classes if I tried.

Me: That is a problem.

Avery: I have been like this for a long time.

Me: Yes I know. But you also know that making this decision just makes things more difficult for you later on, right?

Avery: I know but that’s just how lazy I am. I know that but I still choose to be lazy.

let the balls fall

Pay bills. Take son to football practice and grab his project from the table as he walks out the door. Drive back home; take shower; wake up daughter. Wait for school bus. Get gas. Pick up extra yummy, high calorie breakfast from Panera!! Work. Read to Bri’s class at 11:30. Take dog to vet at 2:00. Piano lessons at 4:00. Pick up birthday present. Pick up pizza. Go home and be thankful we have no plans this evening!

Michelle Obama recently gave a very moving speech to a women’s convention where she talked about the load women carry on their shoulders. We try to be the best mother, the best partner, the best daughter. We walk into our jobs with a feeling of still needing to prove ourselves equal while society still expects us to be the room mom, bake cookies for the teacher’s birthday, and drive forgotten lunch boxes to school. And we do all of this without asking for help because we still paint ourselves as the martyr.

But we know we can’t do all things and be all things, at least not successfully and for sure not long term. Something will not go as planned and the self induced guilt of failing at one of our many roles sets in. How often do we live in that uncomfortable gap between our unrealistic expectations of ourselves and the realistic level we can actually accomplish? So, ask yourself what role you will play today. Let all the roles not chosen float away for another time and be brilliant in the ONE you select!

~Steph

which came first

Last night Brianna brought home an egg. Not an egg from the grocery store but rather an egg from a nest. She was very excited about it and held if very carefully as she walked it around to each of us. We asked her if she was planning on sitting on it until it hatched and after a very brief explanation on how baby chicks hatch from their eggs, Brianna bundled up the egg in several blankets and gently sat on it.

~Steph

he had nothing to do with it

A man's sign cought my attention this morning on my way to work. "I really hate doin' this but I am hungry." I could appreciate the blow that must have been to his pride and reached in my wallet for some money. When I handed it to him, he asked if I was a Christian. I told him no and he said "Well, God bless you anyway". It stikes me as so odd that God is seen as exclusive to Christians as this is definitely not the case!

~Steph

my old pair of blue jeans

After almost a year of trying out a Christian church and not ever really feeling it, I returned to my old church today. Troy and I discovered Northwoods about seven years ago. Avery came home very upset after our neighbor’s son told him people who do not believe in God burn in Hell. We felt the need to balance out his religious experience. Since then I have returned to Northwoods over and over again, and like a pair of old blue jeans, it always feels so comfortable no matter how much time has passed between my visits.

At first glance, it looks like any of the other churches that hide behind the trees in The Woodlands. It is a two story structure made of wood that really blends into the surroundings. There is an over-grown area with several native flowers and plants surrounding a nicely built deck, a footbridge going over a rock river, and little well-worn paths. A small gray haired woman serves as your typical greeter, welcoming you and handing you an order of service. The worshiping area is unassuming, painted in earth tones and framed in wood. There is an information area, music section, and a place for the minister. The reset is filled with cloth backed chairs with hymnals on every third seat.

And there is where the similarities come to an end.

When entering through the doors into the worship area, you pass under a sign that states “We are a welcoming congregation.” Next to these words is the religion’s symbol, the chalice, in bright, rainbow colors. There is also a chalice at the front of the room that seems to be swallowed up by the two story wall behind it. The wall has many pieces of wood that go up to meet a large, round window that is filled with the sun’s rays shining in. Together, taken in all at one time, they resemble a candle. The congregation is filled with all races, all ages, all sexual orientations, all with one thing in common: the desire to be bigger than oneself without the judgmental, exclusive dogma of most religions. They believe in the worth of every person, justice, encouraging spiritual growth, a free search for truth, the use of democratic processes, a focus on the world community, and the interdependent web of all existence. Troy says it is where all the hippies from the 60’s hang out. And the people are definitely interesting. You will find guys with long hair and girls with shaved heads. Grandmothers talking about their most recent rally march; dads holding their babies tightly in wraps; and a youth group that represents every possible expression of individualism. The music played closely resembles the folk music at those anti-commercialism coffee houses. The sermons are overly cerebral and do not benefit from multi-media or flashing lights.

But it is a safe place for me. A place where the tension leaves my shoulders and I immediately feel accepted. A place that calms my mind and opens my heart. A place which I will continue to return.

~ Steph

us and them ... not really

By Leonard Pitts Jr. on http://www.oregonlive.com/

Christian Terrorism

And I suppose the first words should be about those words: "Christian terrorism." The term will seem jarring to those who've grown comfortable regarding terrorism as something exclusive to Islam.

That this is a self-deluding fallacy should have long since been apparent to anyone who's been paying attention. From Eric Rudolph's bombing of the Atlanta Olympics, a gay nightclub and two abortion clinics to the so-called Phineas Priests who bombed banks, a newspaper and a Planned Parenthood Office in Spokane, from Matt Hale soliciting the murder of a federal judge in Chicago to Scott Roeder's assassination of abortion provider Dr. George Tiller, from brothers Matthew and Tyler Williams murdering a gay couple near Redding, Calif., to Timothy McVeigh destroying a federal building and 168 lives in Oklahoma City, we have seen no shortage of "Christians" who believe Jesus requires -- or at least allows -- them to commit murder.

If federal officials are correct, we now have one more name to add to the dishonor roll. That name would be Hutaree, a self-styled Christian militia in Michigan, nine members of which have been arrested and accused of plotting to kill police officers in hopes of sparking an anti-government uprising.

Many of us would doubtless resist referring to plots like this as Christian terrorism, feeling it unfair to tar the great body of Christendom with the actions of its fringe radicals. And here, we will pause for Muslim readers to clear their throats loudly.

While they do, let the rest of us note that there is a larger moral to this story and it has less to do with terminologies than similarities.

We are conditioned to think of terror wrought by Islamic fundamentalists as something strange and alien and other. It is the violence of men with long beards who jabber in weird languages and kill for mysterious reasons while worshiping God in ways that seem outlandish to Middle-American sensibilities. And whatever quirk of nature or deficiency of humanity it is that allows them to do what they do, is, we think, unique. There is, we are pleased to believe, a hard, immutable line between us and them.

Then you consider Hutaree and its alleged plan to kill in the name of God, and the idea of some innate, saving difference between us and those bearded others in other places begins to feel like a fiction we conjured to help us sleep at night.

"Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive," it says on Hutaree's Web site. And you wonder: Who is this Jesus they worship and in what Bible is he found? Why does he bear so little resemblance to the Jesus others find in their Bibles, the one who said that if someone hits you on your right cheek, offer him your left, the one who said if someone forces you to go one mile with him, go two, the one who said love your enemies.

Why does their Jesus need the help of men in camo fatigues with guns and bombs? In this, he is much like the Allah for whom certain Muslims blow up marketplaces and crowded buses. Muslim and American terrorists, it seems, both apparently serve a puny and impotent God who can't do anything without their help.

Sometimes, I think the only thing that keeps us from becoming, say, Afghanistan, is a strong central government and a diverse population with a robust tradition of free speech. The idea that there is something more is a conceit that blows apart like confetti every time there is, as there is now, a sense of cultural dislocation and economic uncertainty. That combination unfailingly moves people out to the fringes where they seek out scapegoats and embrace that feeble God. And watching, you can't help but realize the troubling truth about that line between "us" and "them."

It's thinner than you think.

marriage is difficult - part two

I Googled divorce rates in the US and checked out a couple of sites that listed the rate at about 50%. The US also leads all other countries with the highest rate as well. The site religioustolerance.org came up in my search that provided the highlights of a study done by Barna Research Group which reviewed divorce rates within the US based on religion, age and region. The site stated the US divorce rate is going down slightly due to Americans waiting later in life to marry and also said the saying - A couple who prays together, stays together - is not so true. Christians actually had a higher divorce rate according to this study. Jews came in next and (ah-hem) atheists/agnostics where at the bottom of the list with the lowest percent.

So the reason I am starting out with all this, is to say maybe we need to take another look at how our society prepares our kids for marriage, our views on what makes it work, and the support needed during the marriage. It is obvious that a person's faith and religion is not going to cut it because if it was, the rate would not be so high. It is not enough to lay down these faith based rules of waiting until you get married, don't move in until after the wedding, and when things get crappy, just stick it out because that's what God wants you to do.

I think it starts with teaching our kids that relationships can be challenging sometimes. You must work at them. You will not go off into the forest, sing to the birds and have Prince Charming sweep you off your feet. And even if you are fortunate enough to find your perfect match in life, there is still work involved. I think we should have required classes for newly engaged couples that prepare them for the realities of marriage and give them tools to use when things are not so easy. And I think we should have a similar thing available when a couple is considering divorce. Because, as we can see with the high divorce rate, the church and the community are not doing enough to help couples stay together. I wish I would have had that kind of support around me when Troy and I were having problems.

Last week Pastor Shook described marriage as more like two screwed up people being given a box of broken pieces and asked to make something beautiful. Troy and I both mentioned the quote later in the day because it really spoke to both of us. I mean, seriously, how many people pat the groom on the back and say - "There will be days when your new wife will be unimaginably moody and whiny about every little thing. Even on the best of days, she will still get on your nerves so Good Luck!" Or someone to the bride - "Take all of your new husband's little quirks and multiply them by 10. And even on the best of days, he will still slightly annoy you so Good Luck!" But I think we should get real about it for the sake of our communities and the kids growing up without both of their parents.

~Steph

marriage is difficult - part one

Marriage is difficult. I wish I had learned that before I was 31. It would have saved a lot of stress, pain, and money. Ironically, I figured out how difficult marriage is while I was divorced and single. Fortunately, I was able to hit a really big do-over button and have another chance at it but I know some people come to the same realization and either have too much pride to say 'oops!' or they don't even have that opportunity available to them.

I knew my mom and step-dad got in arguments because I could tell when my mom was angry with him; however, I don't remember ever really seeing them have a disagreement and work through it. I think this is important for kids to see. Given mine and Troy's interesting past, Brianna is very sensitive to our disagreements. When she sees us seriously discussing things she will say that we are going to break up again. It makes me sad to see she is still insecure with our somewhat still new situation but I think it will really be beneficial for her later in life. She will know that married couples disagree, argue, and sometimes drive each other mad but things are still OK. I hope that over the years, Troy and I will be able to give her the skills to know she will have difficult times in her marriage (or whatever) but that doesn't mean all is lost. I also hope Avery will learn from us as well. I hope he is able to find his way to be a strong person, not afraid to do what it takes for his family, especially in a society where that is not seen as very sexy.

My biggest downfall with mine and Troy's relationship (part I) was thinking that if I was with the right person and the marriage was a good one, things would be easy. And when things were not easy, I went into a spiral of thoughts that I had made a mistake, or Troy was not the right person, or the marriage was just over. I call this the Disney Lie. Troy's downfall was the idea of finding a person he could easily put up on a pedestal and that is where she would stay. So when he realized this woman he married was not only smart, pretty, and funny but also extremely shy, annoyingly stubborn, and insecure with a touch of laziness, he was a bit disappointed! Our marriage became a cycle of me not meeting his unrealistic expectations and me thinking our marriage was as good as doomed at every moment of slight discomfort. Nice.


~Steph

origin of species & moral judgement

NPR did a story on the impact magnets have on moral judgement. Participants were asked two different questions regarding a moral situation: one story where the person intended to cause harm and the other were the harm was caused unintentionally. As you can imagine the participants included the intent of the person when placing blame. So if I purposely hit you with my car but you survive, you would most likely say I was horrible compared to me accidentally hitting you with my car and you die. Any way, the researchers received expected responses from the participants. However, these responses changed when a magnetic pulse was applied to a part of the brain located near the right ear. This part of the brain is responsible for understanding other's intentions. So, when this was done while the participants listen to the story, they were more likely to ignore intention and focus on the end result. I was fascinated with this story as it simplifies moral judgement down to a small part of your brain! Not your ethical standing. Not your environment. Not your spirituality or religious beliefs.

And now onto the supercollider! In Geneva they will start smashing tiny particles into each other at unbelievable speeds creating mind-dumbing amounts of energy. What this does is take these tiny particles and turn them into even tinier particles which will allow scientists to study the universe in a way never done before. When in full use, scientists will be able to basically study the big bang theory in a lab setting. And if all goes as is hoped, they might even get down to the so-called god particle which is what is said to have allowed matter to come from energy of the big bang.

Just think! With these two scientific experiments, we might have real answers to questions of our origin and our moral standings and maybe will stop relying on stories that were created thousands and thousands of years ago to help explain the unknown.


~Steph

leaves times infinity

Out of curiosity I signed up for a month membership to ancestry.com. Four hours later I was back in the late 1600’s and stumbled on Scotland. My eyes were burning from staring at the computer screen so long but that site is from the devil! I type in a family member’s name and then search for records. Next thing I know, I am looking at birth records, social security death information and census reports. After attaching all this stuff to my family member I can go back to my tree and little leaves appear in the corner of their name. This means the site has found even more information about this person. Sometimes the site has linked your family member to someone in another person’s tree. Now I can go there and find their parents and spouse to add to my tree. Family member, search, little green leaf, another family member, search, little green leaf, yet another family member, search, little green leaf …. The leaves became rather annoying but I couldn’t stop clicking on them. I went so far out on some of my branches I started thinking it is kind of pointless since I will never know anything about these people besides a meaningless name and birth & death information. But these meaningless people kept me up way too late, even after I turned off the computer. I kept thinking of the lives they probably lived, difficult lives. I wondered what things they believe that have long since been disproved. A couple of women have the same year of death as the birth year of their child. I can’t imagine living in a society where the number one risk to a woman’s life is to give birth. (Although, sadly, this is still the case in undeveloped counties.) And while I have all these people in my head, who could never understand that one day I would look at their US census report from 1850, I can’t help but wonder what will my name be on someday? And who will be looking at it? I wonder if thoughts of what my life might have been like will keep them up at night.



~Steph

a letter to my mom

I think I finally get it. I am twelve years into it and I am finally starting to understand what you went through. Being a mom is difficult. Next to being a wife, I think it is the most difficult thing I will do in my life. I remember being at a grocery store with you when I was about five years old and calling your name to tell you something. You told me you had changed your name and wasn't going to tell me what it was. I remember getting my feelings hurt and also feeling embarrassed in front of the cashier but now? I get it. I have experienced the non stop 'Mom' to the point where I can't even hold a thought in my head and all I want is quiet. Then there are the days when Avery and I are driving around and all I want is for him to talk to me! I understand how you felt walking in the door, tired from the stresses of your job, and being rushed by whining, complaining, demands, and commands from me. Wanting only to find a hole to crawl in but instead starting on your second work shift of housekeeper, personal driver, pulse machine, sounding board, and chef. I know what it feels like to wear your heart on the outside of your chest. Feeling it swell with pride but also fall to the bottom of your stomach with sadness. I struggle with the balance, as you must have, to give them everything while wanting them to be appreciative. And no matter how hard I try during the day, I always replay at night how I could have been better. I know you did the same. And even today you talk about the regrets you have but mom! I now know it was a difficult job. And all I can do is hope that one day Avery and Brianna will get it too!

~Steph