my straw

I have been in the religious minority since at least third grade.  The stories from the Bible never made much sense to me as a young child and as I became older, what was being preached in most churches did not align with my values.  Not identifying with being Christian was not easy given that I was growing up in a one-light small town south of the Bible Belt.  I was called many names relating to what 'horrible things I probably did believe in'.  Or assumptions that my room was painted black and I had an alter (it was really pink but kids are very imaginative!).  In high school I dropped my AP English class when we were given the assignment to compare the novel we had just read to the Bible.  My teacher just could not understand that I had not read the book.  As an adult I was told by one neighbor that all his friend had to do was lay his hands on me and I would be a believer.  Another told me her life would be miserable if she believed what I did.

All of this is to say I have had many years to build up a strong dislike for Christians.  During my most angry years I labeled myself an atheist; in years filled with less anger, I would call myself an agnostic.  (Militant agnostic would be more fitting:  I don't know and there is NO WAY you do either!!)  I felt my guard had to be constantly maintained in case the subject was brought up and I would need to fiercely defend my beliefs.  Most of the time I had to explain that just because I do not claim to be religious or have any answers, does not mean that it is open season for conversion.  I have always had a strong set of beliefs and values; I was not a blank canvas waiting for someone to paint THEIR picture; I had my own. 

And to be honest, it was more than just a dislike but really a narcissistic view of being more evolved than them.  More open minded.  More rational.  These feelings are unfortunately not too far in my past but really this is a journey I am still on.  I have discovered my mind really was not that open at all.  The leader of my covenant group at church (Unitarian Universalism for those of you who just became confused) quoted a Buddhist named Sharon Salzberg who describes us as viewing the sky through straws that we hold in our hands.  We all have these tiny views of the truth but feel as if we are getting the whole story.  And we cling tightly to these straws because they are ours alone.  We decide who to befriend and who to distrust based on how our straws look when compared to others.  We view our whole lives through them, believing our truth is the only correct one.  It was powerful to think about my beliefs in this way.  I realized in my years of anger and more-rational-than-thou attitude, I had become exactly what I didn't like in those others.  I realized we are all looking at the same truth and relating and describing it in the only way we can given our small little straws.  What we are looking at is the same and we are the same.  It is just the words and labels that are different. 

I know it will take mindfulness and practice to completely remove the old me against them mindset but I know so much has already opened up for me in just these past couple of months. 

"It may likewise contribute to soften that resentment which pride naturally raises against opposition, if we consider, that he who differs from us, does not always contradict us; he has one view of an object, and we have another; each describes what he sees with equal fidelity, and each regulates his steps by his own eyes."

      Samuel Johnson


~ Steph