Books I have read this year:
Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls (book club)
Half Empty by David Rakoff
The Last Kingdom by Bernard Cornwell (book club)
A Theory of Everything by Ken Wilber
The Kindness Handbook by Sharon Salzberg
Breaking Night by Liz Murray (book club)
Love Wins by Rob Bell
Superfreakonomics by Levitt & Dubner
It's Your Ship by Captain Michael Abrashoff
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (book club)
We need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver (book club)
What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Franklin & Eleanor: An Extraordinary Marriage by Hazel Rowley
The Force of Kindness by Sharon Salzberg
The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson
Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Stout
Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup
Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman
A Wild Surge of Guilty Passion by Ron Hansen
Incognito by David EAgleman
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest by Stieg Larsson
This Beautiful Life by Helen Schulman
The Submission by Amy Waldman
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
1984 by George Orwell
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Redirecting Children's Behavior by Kathryn Kvols
Zapp by William Byham
to be continued ....
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
It's all yours
The Buddha One said to him: "what do you think: Do friends and colleagues, relatives and kinsman come to you as guests?"
"Yes Master Gotama, sometimes friends and colleages, realatives and kinsman come to me as guests."
"And what do you think: Do you serve them with staple and non-staple food and delicacies?"
"Yes sometimes I serve them with staple and non- staple foods and delicacies."
"And if they don't accept them, to whom do those foods belong?"
"If they don't accept them, those foods are all mine."
"In the same way, Brahman, that with which you have insulted me, who is not insulting; that with which you have taunted me, who is taunting; that with which you have berated me, who is not berating: that I don't accept from you. It's all yours, Brahman. It's all yours.
"Whoever returns insult to one who is insulting, returns taunts to one who is taunting, returns a berating to one who is berating, is said to be eating together, sharing company, with that person. But I am neither eating together nor sharing your company, Brahman. It's all yours. It's all yours"
THE BUDDHA
"Yes Master Gotama, sometimes friends and colleages, realatives and kinsman come to me as guests."
"And what do you think: Do you serve them with staple and non-staple food and delicacies?"
"Yes sometimes I serve them with staple and non- staple foods and delicacies."
"And if they don't accept them, to whom do those foods belong?"
"If they don't accept them, those foods are all mine."
"In the same way, Brahman, that with which you have insulted me, who is not insulting; that with which you have taunted me, who is taunting; that with which you have berated me, who is not berating: that I don't accept from you. It's all yours, Brahman. It's all yours.
"Whoever returns insult to one who is insulting, returns taunts to one who is taunting, returns a berating to one who is berating, is said to be eating together, sharing company, with that person. But I am neither eating together nor sharing your company, Brahman. It's all yours. It's all yours"
THE BUDDHA
Sunday, February 27, 2011
my straw
I have been in the religious minority since at least third grade. The stories from the Bible never made much sense to me as a young child and as I became older, what was being preached in most churches did not align with my values. Not identifying with being Christian was not easy given that I was growing up in a one-light small town south of the Bible Belt. I was called many names relating to what 'horrible things I probably did believe in'. Or assumptions that my room was painted black and I had an alter (it was really pink but kids are very imaginative!). In high school I dropped my AP English class when we were given the assignment to compare the novel we had just read to the Bible. My teacher just could not understand that I had not read the book. As an adult I was told by one neighbor that all his friend had to do was lay his hands on me and I would be a believer. Another told me her life would be miserable if she believed what I did.
All of this is to say I have had many years to build up a strong dislike for Christians. During my most angry years I labeled myself an atheist; in years filled with less anger, I would call myself an agnostic. (Militant agnostic would be more fitting: I don't know and there is NO WAY you do either!!) I felt my guard had to be constantly maintained in case the subject was brought up and I would need to fiercely defend my beliefs. Most of the time I had to explain that just because I do not claim to be religious or have any answers, does not mean that it is open season for conversion. I have always had a strong set of beliefs and values; I was not a blank canvas waiting for someone to paint THEIR picture; I had my own.
And to be honest, it was more than just a dislike but really a narcissistic view of being more evolved than them. More open minded. More rational. These feelings are unfortunately not too far in my past but really this is a journey I am still on. I have discovered my mind really was not that open at all. The leader of my covenant group at church (Unitarian Universalism for those of you who just became confused) quoted a Buddhist named Sharon Salzberg who describes us as viewing the sky through straws that we hold in our hands. We all have these tiny views of the truth but feel as if we are getting the whole story. And we cling tightly to these straws because they are ours alone. We decide who to befriend and who to distrust based on how our straws look when compared to others. We view our whole lives through them, believing our truth is the only correct one. It was powerful to think about my beliefs in this way. I realized in my years of anger and more-rational-than-thou attitude, I had become exactly what I didn't like in those others. I realized we are all looking at the same truth and relating and describing it in the only way we can given our small little straws. What we are looking at is the same and we are the same. It is just the words and labels that are different.
I know it will take mindfulness and practice to completely remove the old me against them mindset but I know so much has already opened up for me in just these past couple of months.
"It may likewise contribute to soften that resentment which pride naturally raises against opposition, if we consider, that he who differs from us, does not always contradict us; he has one view of an object, and we have another; each describes what he sees with equal fidelity, and each regulates his steps by his own eyes."
Samuel Johnson
~ Steph
All of this is to say I have had many years to build up a strong dislike for Christians. During my most angry years I labeled myself an atheist; in years filled with less anger, I would call myself an agnostic. (Militant agnostic would be more fitting: I don't know and there is NO WAY you do either!!) I felt my guard had to be constantly maintained in case the subject was brought up and I would need to fiercely defend my beliefs. Most of the time I had to explain that just because I do not claim to be religious or have any answers, does not mean that it is open season for conversion. I have always had a strong set of beliefs and values; I was not a blank canvas waiting for someone to paint THEIR picture; I had my own.
And to be honest, it was more than just a dislike but really a narcissistic view of being more evolved than them. More open minded. More rational. These feelings are unfortunately not too far in my past but really this is a journey I am still on. I have discovered my mind really was not that open at all. The leader of my covenant group at church (Unitarian Universalism for those of you who just became confused) quoted a Buddhist named Sharon Salzberg who describes us as viewing the sky through straws that we hold in our hands. We all have these tiny views of the truth but feel as if we are getting the whole story. And we cling tightly to these straws because they are ours alone. We decide who to befriend and who to distrust based on how our straws look when compared to others. We view our whole lives through them, believing our truth is the only correct one. It was powerful to think about my beliefs in this way. I realized in my years of anger and more-rational-than-thou attitude, I had become exactly what I didn't like in those others. I realized we are all looking at the same truth and relating and describing it in the only way we can given our small little straws. What we are looking at is the same and we are the same. It is just the words and labels that are different.
I know it will take mindfulness and practice to completely remove the old me against them mindset but I know so much has already opened up for me in just these past couple of months.
"It may likewise contribute to soften that resentment which pride naturally raises against opposition, if we consider, that he who differs from us, does not always contradict us; he has one view of an object, and we have another; each describes what he sees with equal fidelity, and each regulates his steps by his own eyes."
Samuel Johnson
~ Steph
Sunday, January 23, 2011
in harmony
My theme word for this year is 'in harmony'. My group at work started doing this last year and I really love it. It is so easy to let life get away from you. I think it is important to really try to grasp tightly to it and having a word, or idea, to always go back to has been helpful.
What it means to me is to be in harmony with the Taoist Three Jewels: Compassion, Moderation, and Humility. I have the lines from the Tao Te Ching in my office and I read it often. Our minds pull us in all directions and it is so important to constantly remind ourselves of what is important.
As part of my focus, I have decided to rejoin the church I discovered when first moving to The Woodlands. It feels so good to be back in that space where I can breathe deeply that I feel it is important for me to make the commitment. I have also joined a covenant group within the small group ministry of the church. This is something really outside my comfort zone because opening up and sharing to complete strangers? ... yeah, very odd to me but I know it is important. In the end of this life, I know it will be the relationships that matter to me the most.
Yesterday was a wonderful exercise in being in harmony! I went to my first group meeting and it was so interesting and also so intimidating. The topic we will cover over the next four months is how to observe our mind and attempt to quiet it. It is about knowing we are not our thoughts and our emotions. Instead you observe, acknowledge, and let go. I have learned to do this in yoga through out my two years of practicing. I am no longer pulling muscles and nursing injuries because I have learned humility is important! My body is different each day I practice. My hips are tight or I have no balance or my shoulders ache and that is the body I have to work with on that day. How wonderful to be able to do that with your mind, thoughts, and emotions. How wonderful to observe, acknowledge, and let go of who you are today without judgements or harshness. I see a long road of hard work ahead of me!!
~ Steph
What it means to me is to be in harmony with the Taoist Three Jewels: Compassion, Moderation, and Humility. I have the lines from the Tao Te Ching in my office and I read it often. Our minds pull us in all directions and it is so important to constantly remind ourselves of what is important.
As part of my focus, I have decided to rejoin the church I discovered when first moving to The Woodlands. It feels so good to be back in that space where I can breathe deeply that I feel it is important for me to make the commitment. I have also joined a covenant group within the small group ministry of the church. This is something really outside my comfort zone because opening up and sharing to complete strangers? ... yeah, very odd to me but I know it is important. In the end of this life, I know it will be the relationships that matter to me the most.
Yesterday was a wonderful exercise in being in harmony! I went to my first group meeting and it was so interesting and also so intimidating. The topic we will cover over the next four months is how to observe our mind and attempt to quiet it. It is about knowing we are not our thoughts and our emotions. Instead you observe, acknowledge, and let go. I have learned to do this in yoga through out my two years of practicing. I am no longer pulling muscles and nursing injuries because I have learned humility is important! My body is different each day I practice. My hips are tight or I have no balance or my shoulders ache and that is the body I have to work with on that day. How wonderful to be able to do that with your mind, thoughts, and emotions. How wonderful to observe, acknowledge, and let go of who you are today without judgements or harshness. I see a long road of hard work ahead of me!!
~ Steph
Friday, October 29, 2010
let the balls fall
Pay bills. Take son to football practice and grab his project from the table as he walks out the door. Drive back home; take shower; wake up daughter. Wait for school bus. Get gas. Pick up extra yummy, high calorie breakfast from Panera!! Work. Read to Bri’s class at 11:30. Take dog to vet at 2:00. Piano lessons at 4:00. Pick up birthday present. Pick up pizza. Go home and be thankful we have no plans this evening!
Michelle Obama recently gave a very moving speech to a women’s convention where she talked about the load women carry on their shoulders. We try to be the best mother, the best partner, the best daughter. We walk into our jobs with a feeling of still needing to prove ourselves equal while society still expects us to be the room mom, bake cookies for the teacher’s birthday, and drive forgotten lunch boxes to school. And we do all of this without asking for help because we still paint ourselves as the martyr.
But we know we can’t do all things and be all things, at least not successfully and for sure not long term. Something will not go as planned and the self induced guilt of failing at one of our many roles sets in. How often do we live in that uncomfortable gap between our unrealistic expectations of ourselves and the realistic level we can actually accomplish? So, ask yourself what role you will play today. Let all the roles not chosen float away for another time and be brilliant in the ONE you select!
~Steph
Michelle Obama recently gave a very moving speech to a women’s convention where she talked about the load women carry on their shoulders. We try to be the best mother, the best partner, the best daughter. We walk into our jobs with a feeling of still needing to prove ourselves equal while society still expects us to be the room mom, bake cookies for the teacher’s birthday, and drive forgotten lunch boxes to school. And we do all of this without asking for help because we still paint ourselves as the martyr.
But we know we can’t do all things and be all things, at least not successfully and for sure not long term. Something will not go as planned and the self induced guilt of failing at one of our many roles sets in. How often do we live in that uncomfortable gap between our unrealistic expectations of ourselves and the realistic level we can actually accomplish? So, ask yourself what role you will play today. Let all the roles not chosen float away for another time and be brilliant in the ONE you select!
~Steph
Sunday, October 3, 2010
my old pair of blue jeans
After almost a year of trying out a Christian church and not ever really feeling it, I returned to my old church today. Troy and I discovered Northwoods about seven years ago. Avery came home very upset after our neighbor’s son told him people who do not believe in God burn in Hell. We felt the need to balance out his religious experience. Since then I have returned to Northwoods over and over again, and like a pair of old blue jeans, it always feels so comfortable no matter how much time has passed between my visits.
At first glance, it looks like any of the other churches that hide behind the trees in The Woodlands. It is a two story structure made of wood that really blends into the surroundings. There is an over-grown area with several native flowers and plants surrounding a nicely built deck, a footbridge going over a rock river, and little well-worn paths. A small gray haired woman serves as your typical greeter, welcoming you and handing you an order of service. The worshiping area is unassuming, painted in earth tones and framed in wood. There is an information area, music section, and a place for the minister. The reset is filled with cloth backed chairs with hymnals on every third seat.
And there is where the similarities come to an end.
When entering through the doors into the worship area, you pass under a sign that states “We are a welcoming congregation.” Next to these words is the religion’s symbol, the chalice, in bright, rainbow colors. There is also a chalice at the front of the room that seems to be swallowed up by the two story wall behind it. The wall has many pieces of wood that go up to meet a large, round window that is filled with the sun’s rays shining in. Together, taken in all at one time, they resemble a candle. The congregation is filled with all races, all ages, all sexual orientations, all with one thing in common: the desire to be bigger than oneself without the judgmental, exclusive dogma of most religions. They believe in the worth of every person, justice, encouraging spiritual growth, a free search for truth, the use of democratic processes, a focus on the world community, and the interdependent web of all existence. Troy says it is where all the hippies from the 60’s hang out. And the people are definitely interesting. You will find guys with long hair and girls with shaved heads. Grandmothers talking about their most recent rally march; dads holding their babies tightly in wraps; and a youth group that represents every possible expression of individualism. The music played closely resembles the folk music at those anti-commercialism coffee houses. The sermons are overly cerebral and do not benefit from multi-media or flashing lights.
But it is a safe place for me. A place where the tension leaves my shoulders and I immediately feel accepted. A place that calms my mind and opens my heart. A place which I will continue to return.
~ Steph
At first glance, it looks like any of the other churches that hide behind the trees in The Woodlands. It is a two story structure made of wood that really blends into the surroundings. There is an over-grown area with several native flowers and plants surrounding a nicely built deck, a footbridge going over a rock river, and little well-worn paths. A small gray haired woman serves as your typical greeter, welcoming you and handing you an order of service. The worshiping area is unassuming, painted in earth tones and framed in wood. There is an information area, music section, and a place for the minister. The reset is filled with cloth backed chairs with hymnals on every third seat.
And there is where the similarities come to an end.
When entering through the doors into the worship area, you pass under a sign that states “We are a welcoming congregation.” Next to these words is the religion’s symbol, the chalice, in bright, rainbow colors. There is also a chalice at the front of the room that seems to be swallowed up by the two story wall behind it. The wall has many pieces of wood that go up to meet a large, round window that is filled with the sun’s rays shining in. Together, taken in all at one time, they resemble a candle. The congregation is filled with all races, all ages, all sexual orientations, all with one thing in common: the desire to be bigger than oneself without the judgmental, exclusive dogma of most religions. They believe in the worth of every person, justice, encouraging spiritual growth, a free search for truth, the use of democratic processes, a focus on the world community, and the interdependent web of all existence. Troy says it is where all the hippies from the 60’s hang out. And the people are definitely interesting. You will find guys with long hair and girls with shaved heads. Grandmothers talking about their most recent rally march; dads holding their babies tightly in wraps; and a youth group that represents every possible expression of individualism. The music played closely resembles the folk music at those anti-commercialism coffee houses. The sermons are overly cerebral and do not benefit from multi-media or flashing lights.
But it is a safe place for me. A place where the tension leaves my shoulders and I immediately feel accepted. A place that calms my mind and opens my heart. A place which I will continue to return.
~ Steph
Monday, April 12, 2010
marriage is difficult - part one
Marriage is difficult. I wish I had learned that before I was 31. It would have saved a lot of stress, pain, and money. Ironically, I figured out how difficult marriage is while I was divorced and single. Fortunately, I was able to hit a really big do-over button and have another chance at it but I know some people come to the same realization and either have too much pride to say 'oops!' or they don't even have that opportunity available to them.
I knew my mom and step-dad got in arguments because I could tell when my mom was angry with him; however, I don't remember ever really seeing them have a disagreement and work through it. I think this is important for kids to see. Given mine and Troy's interesting past, Brianna is very sensitive to our disagreements. When she sees us seriously discussing things she will say that we are going to break up again. It makes me sad to see she is still insecure with our somewhat still new situation but I think it will really be beneficial for her later in life. She will know that married couples disagree, argue, and sometimes drive each other mad but things are still OK. I hope that over the years, Troy and I will be able to give her the skills to know she will have difficult times in her marriage (or whatever) but that doesn't mean all is lost. I also hope Avery will learn from us as well. I hope he is able to find his way to be a strong person, not afraid to do what it takes for his family, especially in a society where that is not seen as very sexy.
My biggest downfall with mine and Troy's relationship (part I) was thinking that if I was with the right person and the marriage was a good one, things would be easy. And when things were not easy, I went into a spiral of thoughts that I had made a mistake, or Troy was not the right person, or the marriage was just over. I call this the Disney Lie. Troy's downfall was the idea of finding a person he could easily put up on a pedestal and that is where she would stay. So when he realized this woman he married was not only smart, pretty, and funny but also extremely shy, annoyingly stubborn, and insecure with a touch of laziness, he was a bit disappointed! Our marriage became a cycle of me not meeting his unrealistic expectations and me thinking our marriage was as good as doomed at every moment of slight discomfort. Nice.
~Steph
I knew my mom and step-dad got in arguments because I could tell when my mom was angry with him; however, I don't remember ever really seeing them have a disagreement and work through it. I think this is important for kids to see. Given mine and Troy's interesting past, Brianna is very sensitive to our disagreements. When she sees us seriously discussing things she will say that we are going to break up again. It makes me sad to see she is still insecure with our somewhat still new situation but I think it will really be beneficial for her later in life. She will know that married couples disagree, argue, and sometimes drive each other mad but things are still OK. I hope that over the years, Troy and I will be able to give her the skills to know she will have difficult times in her marriage (or whatever) but that doesn't mean all is lost. I also hope Avery will learn from us as well. I hope he is able to find his way to be a strong person, not afraid to do what it takes for his family, especially in a society where that is not seen as very sexy.
My biggest downfall with mine and Troy's relationship (part I) was thinking that if I was with the right person and the marriage was a good one, things would be easy. And when things were not easy, I went into a spiral of thoughts that I had made a mistake, or Troy was not the right person, or the marriage was just over. I call this the Disney Lie. Troy's downfall was the idea of finding a person he could easily put up on a pedestal and that is where she would stay. So when he realized this woman he married was not only smart, pretty, and funny but also extremely shy, annoyingly stubborn, and insecure with a touch of laziness, he was a bit disappointed! Our marriage became a cycle of me not meeting his unrealistic expectations and me thinking our marriage was as good as doomed at every moment of slight discomfort. Nice.
~Steph
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