marriage is difficult - part two

I Googled divorce rates in the US and checked out a couple of sites that listed the rate at about 50%. The US also leads all other countries with the highest rate as well. The site religioustolerance.org came up in my search that provided the highlights of a study done by Barna Research Group which reviewed divorce rates within the US based on religion, age and region. The site stated the US divorce rate is going down slightly due to Americans waiting later in life to marry and also said the saying - A couple who prays together, stays together - is not so true. Christians actually had a higher divorce rate according to this study. Jews came in next and (ah-hem) atheists/agnostics where at the bottom of the list with the lowest percent.

So the reason I am starting out with all this, is to say maybe we need to take another look at how our society prepares our kids for marriage, our views on what makes it work, and the support needed during the marriage. It is obvious that a person's faith and religion is not going to cut it because if it was, the rate would not be so high. It is not enough to lay down these faith based rules of waiting until you get married, don't move in until after the wedding, and when things get crappy, just stick it out because that's what God wants you to do.

I think it starts with teaching our kids that relationships can be challenging sometimes. You must work at them. You will not go off into the forest, sing to the birds and have Prince Charming sweep you off your feet. And even if you are fortunate enough to find your perfect match in life, there is still work involved. I think we should have required classes for newly engaged couples that prepare them for the realities of marriage and give them tools to use when things are not so easy. And I think we should have a similar thing available when a couple is considering divorce. Because, as we can see with the high divorce rate, the church and the community are not doing enough to help couples stay together. I wish I would have had that kind of support around me when Troy and I were having problems.

Last week Pastor Shook described marriage as more like two screwed up people being given a box of broken pieces and asked to make something beautiful. Troy and I both mentioned the quote later in the day because it really spoke to both of us. I mean, seriously, how many people pat the groom on the back and say - "There will be days when your new wife will be unimaginably moody and whiny about every little thing. Even on the best of days, she will still get on your nerves so Good Luck!" Or someone to the bride - "Take all of your new husband's little quirks and multiply them by 10. And even on the best of days, he will still slightly annoy you so Good Luck!" But I think we should get real about it for the sake of our communities and the kids growing up without both of their parents.

~Steph