marriage is difficult - part one

Marriage is difficult. I wish I had learned that before I was 31. It would have saved a lot of stress, pain, and money. Ironically, I figured out how difficult marriage is while I was divorced and single. Fortunately, I was able to hit a really big do-over button and have another chance at it but I know some people come to the same realization and either have too much pride to say 'oops!' or they don't even have that opportunity available to them.

I knew my mom and step-dad got in arguments because I could tell when my mom was angry with him; however, I don't remember ever really seeing them have a disagreement and work through it. I think this is important for kids to see. Given mine and Troy's interesting past, Brianna is very sensitive to our disagreements. When she sees us seriously discussing things she will say that we are going to break up again. It makes me sad to see she is still insecure with our somewhat still new situation but I think it will really be beneficial for her later in life. She will know that married couples disagree, argue, and sometimes drive each other mad but things are still OK. I hope that over the years, Troy and I will be able to give her the skills to know she will have difficult times in her marriage (or whatever) but that doesn't mean all is lost. I also hope Avery will learn from us as well. I hope he is able to find his way to be a strong person, not afraid to do what it takes for his family, especially in a society where that is not seen as very sexy.

My biggest downfall with mine and Troy's relationship (part I) was thinking that if I was with the right person and the marriage was a good one, things would be easy. And when things were not easy, I went into a spiral of thoughts that I had made a mistake, or Troy was not the right person, or the marriage was just over. I call this the Disney Lie. Troy's downfall was the idea of finding a person he could easily put up on a pedestal and that is where she would stay. So when he realized this woman he married was not only smart, pretty, and funny but also extremely shy, annoyingly stubborn, and insecure with a touch of laziness, he was a bit disappointed! Our marriage became a cycle of me not meeting his unrealistic expectations and me thinking our marriage was as good as doomed at every moment of slight discomfort. Nice.


~Steph